A Partner's View

When my partner was going through her breast cancer treatment and whenever she had a scare and had to go back to hospital for bloods and scans, I would inwardly panic. What if she dies? What if they didn’t get all of the cancer and it gets past the lymph nodes? Lots and lots of questions, but the answers came slowly; a week to get the results of a scan. During that time I lost sleep, I was really stressed and worried and it wasn’t even my illness! I have been affected more by my partner’s breast cancer than any illness I have ever had. I used to look at her standing in front of the mirror trying to raise her arm a centimetre more than she did the day before and think “how am I supposed to help support her when she has more determination and strength than I do?”

This is a pretty tricky one as we guys are generally useless at asking for help. There are lots of anecdotes to support this comment. For example, when a man’s driving, why does he never ask the way when he’s lost? Society conditions us to be strong, masculine and supportive of the ‘fairer sex’. All the old caveman instincts come rushing to the fore, regardless of the changes affecting society.

Going to one’s GP is for wimps, which presumably is one of the reasons prostate cancer is often only discovered in the latter stages. Contrast that to women who are used to going to their GP, for gynae problems, contraception, childbirth, the children’s illnesses etc.

We seem to think that inner strength means we can’t discuss our worries and concerns, so we bottle it up. I survived of course. Mainly because it wasn’t me that had the life threatening disease, but my concerns about the lack of support for partners of breast cancer patients, stayed with me.

I shared these thoughts, whenever appropriate, which wasn’t often. Not the sort of thing you talk about at work, watching a rugby international or shopping at Tesco.

Two years later, I finally ‘got off my backside’ and volunteered for Partner Support at Breast Cancer Care. I’m halfway through the training, so should anyone be interested, I’ll let you know how I get on. The idea is that I (and others of course) provide telephone support for any partner that wants to ‘just talk to someone’ about their concerns.

And therein lies the rub; you realise that you’re going to have to find the number, dial it and put the phone in his hand don’t you?

How To Find The Perfect Mastectomy Swimwear

If you are like me, you will be facing the annual swimwear dilemma in the next couple of months. A dilemma made much more difficult following a mastectomy.

But just because I have had a mastectomy doesn’t mean that I no-longer want to find something to wear that accentuates my good points and flatters those body areas I am less keen on. I want something stylish and fashionable but it also has to accommodate a swim form and still allow me to feel confident, “normal’ and attractive. Not any easy find but not impossible. The question is where to start.

Choosing the right colours, accessories, styles and shapes that work together to highlight your assets and flatter is key and a good place to start is to identify your body shape and the style of swimwear that suits this shape. You may already have swimwear to suit your shape that you love which may be suitable to adapt to mastectomy swimwear by adding a pocket for a breast form.

I’m still the same shape as I always have been, though a heavier version thanks to Tamoxifen, I am definitely pear shaped so the same ‘rules’ apply now as they did before my surgery;

Those of us who are pear shaped, i.e. hips are wider than bust measurement, are advised to choose bikinis or tankinis with a pretty top with detailing to draw the eye to the top rather than the hips or bottom. For example beads, loops, or knots, and a frill can give a curvy look. A halter neck style emphasises the bust and the shoulders. Low-rise, hip-skimming bikini bottoms that cut across the widest part of the hips look good and tie-side hipsters can look great on larger hips.

Conversely, bigger busted women may wish to find bikini bottoms that have some interesting details to draw the eye away from the bust. If you’ve got an apple-shaped body and you wish to slim down your fabulous curves a little then darker colours can have a slimming effect.

Always try to emphasis your best assets; if you have great legs but want to disguise your tummy, a tankini is a good solution. To elongate your body, try a halter-top bikini and hipster bottoms. To lengthen the legs, go for a style with high cut legs. If you want to disguise your legs, a sarong is a great cover up.

Think about the colour and remember that dark colours are slimming and distract. Soft blues, aqua’s and charcoal are flattering to pale skin and bright colours look great on tanned or dark skin.

The next consideration is your personal preference for coverage. I’m of the opinion that I prefer mastectomy swimwear that has less coverage and looks more fashionable than what is traditionally available. I feel less self-conscious in a smaller style even if that means that I might reveal a small amount of scar. But this really is a personal decision and only you know how you feel about this. Whatever your choice, you need to make sure that your swimwear will work with your choice of swim form, ensuring that it has pockets to keep the swim form in place.

A variety of swim forms are available which vary in price and suitability. I love my beanie which is great in my bikini. The micro bean filling doesn’t absorb any water so it doesn’t get heavy and is quick to dry out when I have removed it from the bikini and rinsed it. It is also a good economical choice (our swimwear comes with a free beanie).

It is important that your swimwear fits snugly enough so that when you lean forward, your prosthesis continues to hug the chest wall. Remember that when your costume gets wet it will enlarge slightly, so make sure that it is not too large when you choose it. Bikinis and Tankinis that can be bought as separates, so that you can buy different top and bottom sizes, makes getting the fit right much easier.

Remember too that, although budget is always a consideration, finding swimwear that gives you confidence is priceless and that often, cheaper ranges are made from poor quality fabrics that are thin and may not disguise any unevenness of the swim form as well as better quality brands.

Finding mastectomy swimwear is often a difficult and emotional task. Always remember that regardless of our body shapes we are beautiful courageous women.

Check out the fantastic mastectomy swimwear on our website www.aboutthegirl.co.uk