A Partner's View

When my partner was going through her breast cancer treatment and whenever she had a scare and had to go back to hospital for bloods and scans, I would inwardly panic. What if she dies? What if they didn’t get all of the cancer and it gets past the lymph nodes? Lots and lots of questions, but the answers came slowly; a week to get the results of a scan. During that time I lost sleep, I was really stressed and worried and it wasn’t even my illness! I have been affected more by my partner’s breast cancer than any illness I have ever had. I used to look at her standing in front of the mirror trying to raise her arm a centimetre more than she did the day before and think “how am I supposed to help support her when she has more determination and strength than I do?”

This is a pretty tricky one as we guys are generally useless at asking for help. There are lots of anecdotes to support this comment. For example, when a man’s driving, why does he never ask the way when he’s lost? Society conditions us to be strong, masculine and supportive of the ‘fairer sex’. All the old caveman instincts come rushing to the fore, regardless of the changes affecting society.

Going to one’s GP is for wimps, which presumably is one of the reasons prostate cancer is often only discovered in the latter stages. Contrast that to women who are used to going to their GP, for gynae problems, contraception, childbirth, the children’s illnesses etc.

We seem to think that inner strength means we can’t discuss our worries and concerns, so we bottle it up. I survived of course. Mainly because it wasn’t me that had the life threatening disease, but my concerns about the lack of support for partners of breast cancer patients, stayed with me.

I shared these thoughts, whenever appropriate, which wasn’t often. Not the sort of thing you talk about at work, watching a rugby international or shopping at Tesco.

Two years later, I finally ‘got off my backside’ and volunteered for Partner Support at Breast Cancer Care. I’m halfway through the training, so should anyone be interested, I’ll let you know how I get on. The idea is that I (and others of course) provide telephone support for any partner that wants to ‘just talk to someone’ about their concerns.

And therein lies the rub; you realise that you’re going to have to find the number, dial it and put the phone in his hand don’t you?

Changing the world of mastectomy bras and mastectomy lingerie.

Breast cancer survivor launches specialist website after being dismayed with poor choice of mastectomy underwear available.

AboutTheGirl, is committed to providing sexy, pretty and feminine mastectomy underwear.

Set up by Amy Bath after breast cancer, www.aboutthegirl.co.uk sells lingerie designed to restore confidence and make women feel attractive again.Of course the post-mastectomy period is difficult for any woman.

There may be a feeling that an essential part of femininity has been lost forever and it may take some time to fully come to terms with those feelings.

The story of Amy should ring true with most ladies in the same situation: Two years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. In October 2007 she had a lumpectomy followed by a mastectomy and then chemotherapy followed by radiotherapy. Amy found dealing with the sickness during chemo and the soreness from the radiotherapy difficult.

However, in some ways the worst was the lack of self-confidence and the feeling of being unattractive. All of which, of course, will be common knowledge to other breast cancer sufferers, but there were times when she really struggled to cope and stay positive.

Before breast cancer Amy always wore pretty, feminine lingerie. She was really dismayed to find, at the very time that confidence in my appearance was at its lowest, that the choice available to me was very disappointing. When she was made redundant from her job working for a regional charity, Amy decided that if she was going to do something about the situation it was 'now or never.'

After searching everywhere to find underwear that would appeal to young and younger-minded breast cancer patients like herself, it took Amy quite some time to find and negotiate deals with suppliers. You should understand what it means to a breast cancer patient to be able to wear soft, comfortable, pretty and feminine lingerie.

Some of the underwear sourced will be adapted and sometime next year, the plan is to start manufacturing her own exclusive designs, to introduce a number of new ranges of bras, lingerie and to add swimwear to the website early in the New Year ready for Summer 2010.

Visit www.aboutthegirl.co.uk for advice about fitting, and view the full range of pretty mastectomy bra sets, lingerie and mastectomy swimwear.